Spying on my Kids

    When I was a teenager I vowed to only spy on my kids if I felt there was a reason to. Well, I have a slight confession...Bean left her Doodle Journal- My Life in Scribbles; out on the kitchen table and so when she left for school...I stole a peek or two.
    Hey, the only thing I have to say in my defense is that she's in fifth grade and very moody with developing hormones. She also left the book out.
    I felt a bit guilty for peeking at it but it did offer me a glance inside her world right now and since that occurs less and less as she grows older I'm glad I did.

   First of all and very unfortunately fifth grade hasn't changed since I was in school. One of the pages is titled, The Amazing Erase. It's a page where you can doodle things in life you wish you could erase. 
    Bean would erase; mean teachers, homework, the mean girl at school, stupid songs and stupid words that other people use to hurt you. Sounds like my list from fifth grade. :)
    Now days, if I had a page like that I would erase; bills, bad hair days, shirts you thought looked good on you until someone posts a picture of you in it; and fights with Hero Hottie.
    I wish I could fix Bean's page and make those mean people go away but the most I can do is help her realize that some people are just like that and we can't let them bring us down. That's a hard lesson to learn. And she had to learn that this year with her dealings with the Mean Girl. Stupid words hurt and sometimes for a long time. Luckily, the Principal's continued participation in this situation means that the Mean Girl has left her alone. Unfortunately, she hasn't left the other girls alone but she's quickly finding that more and more parents have banned her from their daughter's lives. Yet, she doesn't learn.

  Her other page was quite revealing in the fact that it dealt with our relationship. That's the hazards of reading some one else's diary, they might be writing about you and it might not all be great. One time we had a neighbor that had a hearing device of some sort so she could hear what her children said from across the cul-de-sac. Her son and my brother were friends and only about nine or ten years old and apparently doing what a lot of kids do....they were complaining about their parents. OMG. How shocking.
   She promptly stalked over to our house, pounding on the door and in a huff started complaining about what they had been saying. My Mom shrugged it off. The words weren't rude and vulgar, just normal kid complaining. The woman was highly upset that my Mom didn't share the same sense of outrage as she did. I think my Mom felt like if you spy on your kids than be prepare to hear things you might not want to. Aren't there sayings against listening at doors?

   Anyway, the Doodle book wanted a doodle of your average day, your ideal day, and your most horrible day. The average day was our usual routine, nothing new there. The ideal day had extra recesses, and awesome meals and cool things happening. Hey, I would take a day like that any day.
The horrible day involved me...a few times. Her worse days start off with us arguing, and end with us arguing.
   I felt sad. I know I feel equally upset by the mornings where I drop her off at school after we've been fighting. It's like the saying, "Don't let the sun set on your anger." Well, don't drop your kid off with anger either. It's not a great way to start the day because you know what Bean is thinking about all morning is not her schoolwork, or her friends or what she needs to accomplish. She's rehashing our argument and feeling awful.
   Yet, sometimes it's difficult not to have a rough start to the day. If Bean is fighting getting ready for school, or complaining...again...about what is in her lunch...or being snippy because I didn't get her favorite shirt washed and I should have known she needed it today without her having to tell me...well, then we might have an argument of some sort.
  Our worse arguments have been over homework. Like the sort of homework she doesn't remember she has until we're walking out the door to go to school. And then she doesn't understand why I won't let her finish it before I take her to school. Umm, because we'll be late? And homework needs to be done the night before, especially when I ask if you have any and you say no?
  
   Fortunately, most mornings run with organized chaos and without a bunch of hurt feelings. But if I learned anything from spying on my kid, is that even though she's still being a moody preteen and acts like she's just a bundle of frowns, scowls, and difficult moments...she is still hurting from the other side of the argument. (Even if she's wrong, since most preteens are. ;)
   It's a reminder that just like when she was a baby, I need to pick my arguments and let the others blow off. And really, I'm starting to realize that a preteen just likes to argues. It works better to calmly go about my business and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. Like don't complain too much about lunch; you might find the same, boring old sandwich in there every day instead. (She hasn't figured this one out yet. I'm just waiting.)
  But I also learned from snooping that even though some times she acts like I'm the meanest Mom ever;  she actually cares. So it's a great reminder that communication is still the key, just like any other relationship. I just have to use more patience than even the times she was a terrible two. --Ha! The terrible twos?? Try the terrible tens.---

  In the meantime, I don't want to invade too much of her privacy so I won't be sneaking in her room to read her diary any time soon but just wait until she's on Facebook---I'll be her first friend. :)