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| But when she does finally pass out...it doesn't matter where she's at. |
Do you know how late a baby can stay up when
they drink the rest of Dad's coffee?
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| Baby Blueberry and Gibson wrestling. |
The house is quiet except for...hold on, the Baby awakens again, calling for 'Momma'.
I tell her, "It's night-night. Night-night." I'm trying to keep patience, but sleeping has never been something she has taken too and now that she knows that complete weaning is imminent, she has become even more clingy.
I pick her up and she whispers, barely opening her eyes, "O-tay. O-tay night- night."
We nurse for less than five minutes and she has fallen back asleep.
I think I have become her security blanket. Oh, boy.
A few months ago we had a well baby check-up where the doctor insisted it was beyond time to wean her, after all she's two.
(Never mind that in other parts of the world nursing until a toddler is between 2 or 3 is completely normal. It's just in the United States where we have this weird thing of - it's okay to show boobs on HBO and on the beach- bikinis barely cover anything, but heaven forbid a Mom discreetly nurses a baby in public.)
The doctor proceeded to explain how to start that process of letting her cry herself to sleep and it would only take four nights. Baby Blueberry listened intently to every word he had to say.
Every word.
Never underestimate the ability and vocabulary of a two year old.
Ever since then, she has been extra protective and needy of nursing.
It's the last well baby check-up she goes too.
I know what's she thinking, "Heck no, Momma is not weaning me."
And since I'm weak and can't stand to hear her cry- we haven't completely weaned. She doesn't nurse during the day but only at night.
And then my stupid-ass Crohn's had to flare up on me. It's been giving me trouble for the last six months and I suppose in the next few weeks I'll write a few blogs about it, but in the meantime my choices are:
keep nursing and allow the inflammation to get worse
or
wean so I can go on some steroids.
And I suppose I didn't even realize how much this decision was bothering me until I sit down to write a blog, with a million different ideas in my head and this is the thing that bothers me the most.
Weaning.
Because it's going to be hard on Blueberry.
Hard on my Momma heart.
For one night we couldn't nurse because of sedative in my blood from one of the procedures I had to agree to and she cried for two hours straight-- ON MY LAP. Of course, I'm half out of it from the sedative lingering in my bloodstream, but it was still tough that no matter what I said, no matter the hugs, no matter the cartoons we put on the television- she wouldn't be comforted.
And Baby Blueberry is such an easy going kid. She hardly ever cries.
But this change...is hard on her.
And I've tried everything...bottles, sippy cups, the promise of a new toy when we're done, telling her she's such a big girl...
She responds by saying, "I'm the BABY."
I think the kid has a little bit of my stubbornness and love for change. I'm sure of it.
A few days left of nursing. Nursing the last baby. From here, it's big girl stuff. And it's time...
In the meantime, last night she drank the rest of Dad's coffee that he forgot and left at the kitchen table.
She was up until almost 1:00 in the morning.
Note to Hero Hottie: Don't leave your coffee out! Or you get to stay up with her next time.
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| What depth I see in those eyes! |
