Bullying Revisited

    Less than a month ago I wrote about Bean and her horrible problem with the Mean Girl. (Blog Link)
    I was at a complete loss of what to do. We weren't getting anywhere with the school and my oldest child absolutely refused to go back to her class.
    I was ready to pull her out and finish the year at home. But Hero Hottie and I weren't sure if that was the best opinion for her...if the situation could be fixed. She had been attending this school since Kindergarten and we wanted to see her graduate with her classmates. Of course, at the point, she knew there was no way she could continue going to this school if something drastic wasn't done. Even if it meant not completing her elementary career at the school she had started at.
     And yes, since I was home schooled, I was completely open to the idea of home schooling. In fact, during the summer we do a mini version of it every day to keep the girls up to speed on their schoolwork and fill in any gaps.
    But we didn't want to make the decision to home school just because of some bully. I told Bean she couldn't be like Simba in the Lion King and hide.
    "Mom, haven't you heard? Bugs are slimy but satisfying."
    "Hakuna Matata?" I asked and she smiles. But it's still a shadow of her usual self. My heart breaks for her.

    I told her to let me try one more attempt at fixing the situation. If that didn't work, then we would let her stay home because I wasn't going to let my daughter stay in a toxic environment. She's about to go into those turbulent middle school years where self doubt is already a huge factor in everything...I didn't need her entering those years already hating herself and believing everyone else hated her too.

   So I wrote an email to the principal. I figured explaining every thing in black and white would either make it very clear on what kind of situation we were dealing with or I wouldn't get anywhere and then I would know what decision to make from there.
   I calmly told him that this was bullying situation and then stated the various situations that had occurred, when they had occurred, and what was actually said. I also called the city school office and asked them where I could find the policy on bullying on their website. They had to take my name and number and call me back with the information.
   What I didn't know is that they used that information to figure out who my kids were and what school we attend. The assistant superintendent then proceeded to call the principal and ask what the heck was going on. I did not give her permission to do this, so I'm not sure how I feel about this. Perhaps it helped to bring clarity to the situation but I think my email did most of that.

   I wrote in my email what actions Mean Girl had done that were clearly breaking the policy on bullying. And there were a lot. Things that weren't even considered minor infractions but very serious ones.
   And then I told him that even though I loved the school and that Abu would still be attending and I would still be Treasurer on the PTO, if the situation with Bean could not be fixed then I would be pulling her out.
   He called me right away and was quite upset. The email had really made things clear to him and he said the problem would be taken care of by the next day. I don't know why it took an email to clarify things but sometimes seeing something in the written word can be very powerful.
   Either way...by the next day he had dealt fully with the situation. He gave Mean Girl one chance to confess or else...
   She confessed to everything.
   He couldn't go into details of her punishment but did say it would follow the handbook policies, which are strict and harsh for such actions. Her Mom was also called and informed of Mean Girls' actions.
   Finally, Mean Girl was also told that should she even look at Bean the wrong way it was an automatic trip to the Principal's office. And that for the rest of the school year all infractions would be directly handled by the principal.
   He also talked to the other girls about how their behavior of listening to cruel rumors and lies and deciding to outcast Bean just because someone else told them to had deeply hurt Bean to the point where she didn't even want to be at school. They were shocked and remorseful that they had inflicted so much pain.
  
  When Bean returned to school the other girls welcomed her back with smiles and offers to play with them. They had learned something too and hopefully that carries over with them into middle school, when the Mean Girl problems can really start to surface. Perhaps next time they will think for themselves and decide not to outcast someone just because the popular girl told them to.

   In the meantime, Bean is smiling. Real smiles. Joyful smiles. And she's going to school. Her biggest concern is math and how much she hates it. I rather deal with that problem than a bully. The principal keeps a close eye on the whole bunch of them, even having lunch with them a few times so he can stay involved.

    Bean is back to dressing up again. Doing her hair and putting in new earrings every day. She had slowly stopped doing anything special to get ready for her day, like she was trying to make herself invisible. Now she wants to shine again.

   The Mean Girl leaves her alone. And she better. I would hope she learned something from all this...but I seriously doubt it. I know she's only fifth grade and some people would stay that means she can learn to be better. I don't believe that. I say she's only fifth grade and she already knows how to ruin someone's life. What will she be like as an adult?  But I do feel sad for her...she has to be a pretty miserable person on the inside to act the way she does.
    But it doesn't mean I give her permission to ever speak to my daughter again. Ever.

   I learned a lot from this. Write it down. Spell it out. Don't back down. And know it's okay to be a lioness when your cub is under attack.
   The motto Hakuna Matata works sometimes.
   Other times you need a different motto....Don't mess with the Momma!