Life in Transition

    A journey starts with an idea. And that idea becomes a reality when we have made a decision to step onto that path.
    Some people make rapid decisions; they don't hesitate, they don't self doubt and they always seem confident. Perhaps some of them are and others are just good at hiding their feelings of fear.

    Other people make decisions like they're on a see saw. They go one way and then not liking the direction they have been thrown in, go the other way. But they always seem to go back and forth, never finding that balance they need to stay on one path and complete their journey.

    In my life I have made decisions in a variety of different manners. Some were made so quickly I'm not sure I even had a conscious thought...Snap. I felt it and made it happen. Like when Hero Hottie and I adopted Buddy from the pound. I didn't take days and weeks to ponder if it was the right choice or not. I just felt it and went with the decision.
   I never, ever doubted that choice. Even when we had to put him to sleep and he broke my heart in the way only a canine companion can do.

    When I fell in love with Hero Hottie there was no wishy washy 'do I or don't I' kind of thoughts. In fact, after three weeks of dating I just knew. It was there in my heart without a doubt and even though I was young and couldn't even decide on what college degree to obtain or what sort of career to go after...I was marrying this guy. It wasn't a conscious thought, just an awareness of the decision I had already made.
     The only thing I would have done differently-- I would have gone on a honeymoon. I was finishing a semester of college and we were buying a small cottage house to live in, so we used the gift money we had received from family and friends to furnish our new place. Not that I regret the huge, most comfy couch ever that we purchased...but I didn't realize at the time with how busy life can get sometimes skipping a honeymoon means you never get one. And of course, just when we're starting to think about perhaps sneaking away for one since Bean and Abu are older...Baby Blueberry decides to come along.

    In the past few months I have experienced a lot of changes in my life, without making a single decision to do so. And I feel like I'm in the middle of the journey. I've left the starting line and there's no going back to the way things were but I'm no where close to the finish line. My lungs are starting to burn from the exertion of trying to complete this journey and my throat is dry but I can't even see the end.

    A week ago a very good friend of mine and her family moved from across the street. On top of that the wonderful people next to them also moved. So in one week we went from a bustling neighborhood of kids and fun to a very quiet, subdued feeling.
     Bean and Abu are missing their friends like crazy. They would spend countless evenings across the street; playing and riding bikes; laughing and joking.
    Being kids. Being friends. Being neighbors.

    Abu says it will be the loneliest summer ever. It sounds like a title to a book. Because those words indicate change. And change is the beginning of a new story.
    And life is made up of our stories. Each one weaving together to form the person we are.

    I have to agree with her. The evenings haven't been the same. At all. And I don't write this to hurt anyone because they are following their journeys; their paths; their new chapter in their story and I hope it's a wonderful, splendid tale. Full of adventure- good adventure- and happy endings.

    But it does leave our story feeling a little bit sad right now. Being pregnant and hormonal doesn't help a bit.

    On top of this we have more change. My parents, six years ago, moved into my downstairs. It's a fully functional living space with kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms. But that only left us with two bedrooms upstairs. Well, once they realize Baby Blueberry was on the way they made plans to move out. Now is this a good idea financially for them; I'm not sure but again, this is their decision. Even with a baby on the way I wasn't going to kick my parents out.
    But in the meantime...they moved out this weekend. Bean and Abu have pretty much had their grandparents around since they could remember. And suddenly, when they haven't even stopped crying over their friends moving; their grandparents are leaving too.
    Now with that being said; they are only moving across the alley to a house they rented. So it's not like they're going very far away. The only problem is I can't seem to convince the girls of this. They must measure distance differently than I do.
   
    So right now our life is in transition. Our entire daily routine and even our thoughts are still stuck in the same mode we were in two weeks ago when if we needed someone to visit with we just simply walked across the street and had a visit. It was sweet and spontaneous.
    Or if the girls needed their grandparents they simply walked downstairs and found time away from Mom and Dad.
    Now-- the new neighbors are young and childless. And the downstairs is strangely quiet.
    In three short months our lives will change even further with Baby Blueberry and the start of middle school for Bean.
    So I don't feel like we're going to settle this summer into a new routine; into a new chapter. There are too many things unsettled and in chaos. The girls have to paint their new rooms and we have to ready a nursery. I might be on modified bed rest for the entire pregnancy which puts me into a holding pattern. I can't really start anything new because I have to rest.
    And our friendships have to be planned events now; something that is going to take getting used to.
   
     My only solace is the local outdoor swimming pool. Bean and Abu are old enough to swim in the water without me and I can watch from my lounge chair, in the shade, working on my short stories.
    So it's our summer of change and I could probably blame it on the Mayan calendar. It is 2012 after all. And plus we just had the Transit of Venus which sounds mysterious and life changing. I didn't see it personally; I didn't want to peer directly into the sun but I saw the photos. Little old Venus crossing the massive sun.
    That's the way I feel. Little old me trying to swim across this vast burning mass of change.
    Boy, listen to me. Getting all moody on my readers. It sounds like I might be pregnant and experiencing mood swings or something.
    Maybe I just need chocolate.
    Or pickles. :)