Last week Bean sat in one of those folding chairs made out of metal, the kind that are always cold when you sit down...with the entire fifth grade and had a small graduation ceremony. The red caps were cute, made from paper and full of candy. The 'diplomas' were rolls of Mentos, tied with ribbon.
I'm not sure why they were rewarded with candy for completing their Elementary years but I suppose it makes sense; since it seems like completing anything in school nowadays is rewarded with candy. I wish I got candy every time I finished the dishes or the laundry.
But candy aside, the ceremony was sweet. They had a slide show with photos of the entire year played to some sappy song that of course made me cry. (But then again, I am pregnant and allowed to cry at anything without question. It has nothing to do with my oldest growing up.)
And all the kids had dressed up for their graduation. They looked stunning but no longer little kids anymore. A lot of the boys had suits and ties on, glimpses of the young men they would soon be turning into. And the girls wore dresses not of ruffles and prints and durable kid material but of soft, flowing fabric and laces and solid colors. Some had high heels and most had just a touch of make up on. Some had obviously spent an hour on their hair and they all looked way too grown up for us parents. Where had our babies gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that we walked them into school for their very first day of Kindergarten, either wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon character on it or a dress with a pound of ruffles on it? With backpacks on their tiny backs that were bigger than they were? With nervous smiles and excited faces and just a bit of fear as they entered the world of the big kid?
And now they stand almost eye to eye with us, full of spunk and knowing it all already. They rarely play with toys and they giggle about the opposite sex. They have opinions about everything,
even things they don't have any experience with. They have hormones and are talking about or experiencing puberty.
They're glad you came to the ceremony but rather giggle and laugh and have photos taken with their friends. But don't go too far away because underneath that grown up kid is still that little boy or girl that had to be held every time they skinned their knee or they saw a shadow in their room.
Their expressions say, "Let me fly but be close by because I don't really want to go too far on my own. Not yet."
But that's how it starts. Little bits of independence. Here and there. As parents that's what we want them to grow up into. Adults that are capable and kind and not afraid of the world.
It's difficult though. Sometimes we want to hold them back...just a bit. Whisper to them that they can be little a bit longer. They don't have to grow so quickly.
But they do grow quickly, some days waking up and in one night their pants are an entire inch shorter than just the day before.
One moment they think boys have cooties and girls talk too much. And the next moment...well, hormones have kicked in.
I'm so proud of Bean. We had a rough year and for a while it didn't look like we would arrive at this point with her class. The Mean Girl never did stop being mean to everyone. She still got in trouble after the principal had spoken to her about her treatment of Bean. But the attitude of the other girls changed. No longer would they listen to, or give the Mean Girl the attention she kept trying to steal from every one around her.
We can't change the people around us but we change ourselves and how we deal with things. Which sometimes means standing up for the right thing. Demanding change of a bad situation.
And I think that is what Bean learned most of all from being bullied. She couldn't change the Mean Girl. Because the Mean Girl never did learn or grow or change her behavior. Her behavior was more subdued because she knew if she was caught than there would be trouble but she never had some life altering epiphany like they do in the movies. Maybe someday.
But Bean didn't care anymore. None of the girls did. What the Mean Girl had to say didn't carry any weight anymore.
And I'm so proud of Bean for standing up to this girl, for demanding a change in the situation, to cast a light on what was going on...because she helped the other girls realize what was going on and they could also put an end to how it was affecting them.
So in the last few months of school Bean had friends. Lots of friends. A social group. And we finished fifth grade on a happy note. Her goal at the beginning of the year was to have more friends, to push herself socially, to introduce herself and put herself out there and risk being hurt by way of rejection. A fear she has always had, which made it difficult for her to make more than a best friend through her other years of elementary school.
Not only did she succeed, she pushed past some of the worse hurt and came out ahead. Stronger. More self assured.
She could just have easily shut down and never tried to make friends again.
I just have to say good job, kid. Good job.
So I hug Bean after the ceremony and try not to cry until I get home. We survived fifth grade. She survived fifth grade...
now I just have to start worrying about Middle School.
Oh, boy.
Are should I say BOYS!!!?
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