Baby Blueberry and Torn Placentas

     It had been a normal day. -Right there that statement implies that my usual, normal Tuesday afternoon changed into something not so typical.-

      I took CT to preschool and picked her up when it was over, spent the rest of the day taking care of Bug, kept the house tidy...

    which how can a four year old and a one year old get out every single toy they have in only ten seconds...

    and working on my current romantic short story.

    Later that evening, when the little girls had went home, I took Bean to dance class. This gave Abu and I some much needed Mommy time together. We were going to stop by the library and then color in her dragon coloring book before we had to pick up Bean.
    In one second- life was normal. Busy and unexpected. After all, in four and a half months we are going to have another baby, who has been given the nickname Blueberry until we know if they're a boy or girl. The name was given by the girls because when I found out I was pregnant the baby was just the tiny size of a blueberry. So tiny and precious and amazing. So hence the nickname- Blueberry.
    I held open the library door for Abu, smiling as she skipped through the entrance, happy to have ALONE time with me.
    I took another step following her and then felt like my period had started. -That was the next second in my life and it changed everything.-
    I instantly told myself that wasn't the case and decided I just needed to use the bathroom. Baby must have jumped on my bladder. They had a funny way of doing that as they get bigger and their kicks get more powerful.
    In the bathroom though, I quickly realized it was blood. Bright red and not supposed to be there.
   
    I started cussing. Harsh words of anger and pleading. I didn't want to lose this baby. Not when they had started to warm my heart with their movements. Their presence.

    Kicking and twirling inside me like a acrobat or a karate expert. This was a busy baby who we had started to play music for and they enjoyed it.
  
    "Mom, what's wrong?" Abu asks from the next stall.
    I heard her ask the question but I didn't answer right away. What was I supposed to say? That something bad and horrible might be happening. That the baby at only nineteen weeks was too young to survive if they were to be born. That this little life that we had all grown to love might...
    "Mom?" She was quite worried.
    I swallowed. "We have to go home. We have to go now."
   I rush her out of the bathroom, trying not to cry. Trying not to lose it. Usually I take things so calmly, so matter of fact but this struck panic and fear right to the core of me and I just wanted to get home so I could call my doctor and figure out what to do.
    "Mom, are you going to die?" Abu finally asks, since my answers were not clear. I was not focused, not explaining things to her the way I should have. My own fear was too strong.
    But that question stopped me cold. She's only eight and so young and she only knows part of the details and doesn't know what's happening, except that her Mom is scared out of her wits.
    I explain to her that I was bleeding and needed to get to the hospital but I was going to drop her off at home with Grandma first.
    "Mom, just take me with you to the hospital. I don't have to go home." She pleads with me, worried about Blueberry. Worried about her Mommy.
    I shook my head, giving her a quick glance in the rear view mirror while I drove home. The library was three minutes away from our house and the hospital only another four minutes. I wasn't having pain or cramping and the bleeding wasn't excessive just bright and intrusive.
     I wanted to call my doctor, leave Abu with her Grandma and call Hero Hottie from work to take me to the hospital. I was too scared to go by myself.
     The doctor told me to go to the hospital and Hero Hottie rushed home to take me as soon as I called him. Of course, it didn't help his panic level that I was crying when he got on the line.

     The ER was the ER. I was so glad to see one of my friends there that works as a ER nurse. She kept checking on me and chatting with me as she had a moment. It helped keep me from totally losing it.
     They checked for signs of a miscarriage. Completely negative. - Thank God.
     The first nurse came in to check for the baby's heartbeat and even though I had just felt them move a few minutes before, I had to hear that rhythm. Had to have that reassurance that they were strong and alive.
     She couldn't find it. I kept the panic down, simply because I had just felt them move and she was obviously not especially skilled at it.
    My friend poked her head in to check on me and was instantly wrangled into trying to find the heartbeat. In one try she had the reassuring sound filling the room. It was steady and sturdy.
    I almost starting crying with relief.
    Then I had blood work drawn. I hate needles. Especially when the first vein fails and they have to give the other arm a matching poke. Ouch.
    Urine samples- Do you know how hard it is to pee into a cup when you're trying to hold up a loose, way too large gown with the other hand? Can't they make hospital gowns in a few different sizes? One size does not fit all. And why do I always end up with the gowns with broken snaps and broken strings? I would like to have my bum covered as I walk down the busy hospital corridor to the bathroom please.
    The pelvic exam was the worse one I had ever experienced. The room I was put in did not have stirrups. So what they offered me was a pelvic wedge. It looks like a wedge of cheese and is the size of a pillow. I had to balance my bum onto the top edge of it, while still sitting up, using my arms behind me to keep from falling off it.
     The nurses explained that the wedge was much better than what they used to do.
     Bedpans. They use to have female patients balance and perch so they could expose themselves for a pelvic exam for some strange doctor on the edge of a bedpan.
      I suppose I will take the pelvic wedge.

     The ER doctor did an ultrasound and the baby's heart was nice and strong.

     They sent me home to rest, to come back if I started to have pain and told me to call my doctor in the morning.
     I hate hospitals. Probably because six years ago I entered one, not sure if I was coming out alive. Now I was leaving one, and I wasn't sure the outcome.

     I spent the next two days visiting my doctor and having two different ultrasounds. The diagnosis...a slightly torn placenta and some blood in the uterus.
   Ouch. I still wasn't having any signs of a impending miscarriage but I did have problems with my placenta. I was still scared like crazy.
    She put me on bed rest for the next week. No lifting, no traveling, no -and she looked at Hero Hottie while she says this- sex. He asked me later why she looked at him when she said this. Because you're a guy. I managed to not roll my eyes.

    She has hopes that it will heal and every thing will be fine. In the next week or two we will know. In the mean time, I'm stuck on the couch, trying to keep myself from worrying. Or reading too many Google entries about placenta abruption.
     I think I would have been better not looking up those words. A full placenta abruption is horrible and devastating. And heartbreaking.
 
     A slightly torn one has a much better chance of healing and finishing out the pregnancy. At least that's what I have been able to find online. So right now baby Blueberry and I are doing fine. Bleeding has stopped and I still don't have any pain or cramping. It took a few days to write this blog, I was so afraid of jinxing myself if I wrote that we were doing okay.

    I think the rest of this pregnancy might be a one day at a time kind of pregnancy. She's kicking wildly while I write and that makes me smile. I pray and then pray a whole lot more.
    I have a wonderful family to help me. Bean and Abu actually spent the weekend doing chores I could never get them to do before without listening to minutes of complaining.
    I have amazing friends...women that have offered to help with my chores, to let my children play across the street when they're out and playing, to make me meals, that have loaned me videos and books to keep from going insane.
    Who have understood as mothers how scary and frightening this is and have been there for me. I am truly blessed by the people in my life. Blueberry is blessed already by the people who love her and we haven't even met her.
     I will keep everyone posted as hopefully things move along without anymore scares. Plus I will have time to write as I have a feeling my days are going to be a lot quieter. And writing is a whole lot better than watching daytime television. :)

    Oh, and in the meantime one of those ultrasounds I had told us what Baby Blueberry is...drum roll please....
     she's a GIRL.

    I think Hero Hottie is getting a Man Cave.