If dating a werewolf isn't thrilling enough for you, than flirt with danger. Date a vampire. They're the ultimate moody hero. Dark. Mysterious. Perhaps just a touch creepy though when they come home in the wee hours of the morning with blood dripping from their fangs. "No, honey. That's just pizza sauce." Yeah, sure it is...
1. It's hard to hang out together. If he's a 'true-to-the-tale' vampire he can't be exposed to sunlight or your boyfriend will turn into a pile of dust. Talk about ditching out on you. At first, this avoidance of the daytime might not be such a big deal but after a while you might start missing long walks along the shore at sunrise or getting a tan.
If he just sparkles in the sunlight then the tougher vampires might tease him because I'm still not sure if fierce, blood sucking monsters are suppose to sparkle like someone went crazy with their Bedazzler.
(Personal opinion, I can't say for sure. They might just be jealous that they can't go in the sunlight too.)
2. He likes to nibble your neck when you're making out. Can you be sure that he's just lovin' or is he tasting?
3. If he's been in high school for over a hundred years there just might be an unresolved maturity issue. I haven't met many people who wanted to be in high school for four years, let along anyone that could stand it for over a hundred years. This problem might even be worse than the guy you dated who played video games all day in his parent's basement...at the age of thirty.
4. You take him over to your parents for dinner and they serve him garlic spaghetti. His hissing, baring fangs and possibly dying is not going to go well. Especially if your family is Italian, then Grandma is going to be insulted forever over the boy who didn't like her spaghetti. What a mess. This is so much worse than when you brought your vegan boyfriend to dinner and he refused to eat the steak.
5. He gets tired of you giving him tan on spray for Christmas presents because the death look just irritates you after a while. 'Really, I know you're like the undead and all, but really the rotting copse look is so yesterday.'
6. He sleeps in a coffin. Really? That's seems so 1950's black and white horror movie. He needs to upgrade to the comforts of modern daily living. Like a bed. With a mattress. Just because he's a monster doesn't mean he shouldn't sleep on something light and fluffy and advertised by little, delicious sheep.
7. He doesn't age and you do. This will cause relationship issues and insecurities without a doubt. There is no use trying to state otherwise, especially when people start to think that you're his Mom...or worse, his grandmother. If you're thinking long term relationship, then think about becoming a vampire too. Just remember it truly bites if you break up later, because you're still a vampire. But hey, you'll look fabulous at your twenty year high school reunion.
8. Blood stains are hard to get out of clothing. Buy him plenty of stain sticks and calmly realize that he may spend more money on clothing than you do.
9. If he's a special, gifted vampire he might have unusual talents, like reading people's mind, leaping around forests, or turning into a bat and ridding the town of mosquitoes. As long as his talents also include doing dishes, making dinner, picking up his dirty socks and remembering your birthday, than give him a break if when you're kissing you find mosquitoes wings in his teeth.
10. And finally, remember that every once in a while, vampire hunters, mobs of bored townspeople with pitchforks and glowing torches, and other vampires that are just jerks, might want to kill your boyfriend. This is exciting in the movies, not so much fun in real life. Plus, when the house is destroyed you have to deal with insurance companies and they can be worse than the vampire hunters. So it might be a great idea to keep in shape and buy a vampire pit bull. Nasty creatures, just don't tell your insurance company, the rates are horrible. (Also, don't let your vampire pit bull puppy outside during the day to go potty. Otherwise you'll be cleaning up a pile of ash.)
So dating a werewolf or vampire can be exciting, exhausting and definitely living on the edge. But if that doesn't appeal to you, wait until you hear about the hazards of dating a zombie...
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