Survivor: Middle School Style

    Since the fifth grade is preparing for the next big leap in their lives...Middle School...they were asked to come up with a list of questions about what to expect.
    Some of them were pretty common: what's for lunch, how much homework will I have and what if I get stuck inside my locker.
    The lunch answer is simple. Sorry, kid. It's the same crappy food that is served in elementary school. I will just apologize now that our US government does not know the meaning of quality food...So canned, soggy peaches, pizza that smells so bad it makes you gag, and mystery meat surprise that is always a bit off in color are your options. Your best bet to survival in this jungle...pack your own lunch and just buy the fresh fruit that they actually sell separately. Oh, and also don't eat from the ice cream cooler everyday...right now you'll burn those calories...later those calories will be stuck on you.

   How much homework is dependent on your teachers. Some of them believe too much homework interferes with family life and they're right. The math problem here though...(I know you weren't expecting a math equation in my blog) If six teachers on Monday decide to each assign just one page of homework: and they do this each day for the entire week; how many hours of homework do you have?
   The answer: Too much. Get over it now and realize that you didn't need as much play time anyway; you're a big kid now.

    If you get stuck in your locker then rest assure that unlike the movies where the hallways are suddenly empty and devoid of all life forms the second someone shoves you in the huge locker space; Middle School is a wild and bustling place. Someone will let you out shortly; as long as the kid in question that hears your cries for help actually fetches an adult. If they don't like you or they're going to be late for class, they may leave you. Rule of advice: Don't get stuck in your locker.

Hint: Most lockers, except in the movies, won't fit you anyway. They are full of all your textbooks, backpacks, make up, lunches, misc. stuff you have stuck in there and don't bother to take home and other such items.

    Now those are your basic and common questions that most kids have. The uncommon questions are next.
    One boy asked the following question. "What happens if I go into the boys' bathroom and suddenly I'm in the middle of a Middle School Fight Club and someone punches one? What do I do?"
    Well, first Rule of Fight Club. Duck. If you're only a miserable sixth grader and they're an eighth grader then you want to avoid that punch.
    Second Rule: You don't talk about Fight Club.
    I know...I'm messing up the line but I'm not a guy. I'm going to duck first and avoid the punch. If that didn't work then I guess I would have to fight. But we are talking about the Boys' bathroom so I suppose the first rule of Fight Club would be...
    Wait, seriously. How many movies have you been watching? Fight club in the Middle School boys' bathroom? Not going to happen. After school maybe if you're in the wrong neighborhood...But the three minutes you have to go to the bathroom is not long enough and teachers will notice if you're showing up to class with broken and bloodied noses. And if they don't...switch schools.
   The worse you have to worry about in the Middle School boys' bathroom is unmentionables of all sort of bodily fluids on the walls and the floor. Being teased over the size of certain body parts and the smell of too many nearly teenage boys in one area.
    

   The last question comes from Bean herself. "How do you tell which eighth grader can be bribed with pudding cups to offer you protection throughout the whole year?"
   Mmm, that's a very good question. Sometimes it's hard to tell which tough and mean looking eighth grader is actually susceptible to pudding cups and is willing to protect you.  Unfortunately, it's difficult to find this information out unless you know someone.

    The best thing you can do is huddle together in tight groups of 6 or 7 sixth graders as you walk through the halls. Try to stay in the middle of this group as it's the safest area to be. The weak and sick on the outside of the group are easily picked off by an eighth grader who needs a snack.
   Form alliances with fellow sixth graders but trust no one. A popular seventh grader can easily turn a previously trusted sixth grader against the entire pack. I've seen it happen.
    Remember: Middle School is a jungle. It's wild and crazy and is totally different than elementary school.
   But you'll do just fine. The rumors of Middle School are just that...rumors...

   On second thought, perhaps we better start stocking up on pudding cups.

Retreat into the Familiar

      My oldest daughter, her nickname is Bean, turned ten years old at the beginning of summer and has entered the last year of elementary school this fall. Change has been like a roller coaster ride for her and yesterday I think she almost fell off. Retreated back into the safe and warm folds of childhood.
    
       Already she has started to give up toys, now her dolls wait in carefully placed poses on her nightstand or in the dollhouse, rarely played with but still enjoyed nevertheless. Her preparations for school take a whole lot more time, with the shoes absolutely having to match the outfit, the hair style matching the shirt and the backpack an accessory that just happens to carry her homework. Nails are painted every weekend and this summer she got her ears pierced. Whew, I can't keep up, I'm not sure how she does it. Maybe that's why she gets a bit crabby sometimes, torn between still wanting to be cuddled and treated like a child and wanting to find the path that will lead to her adulthood. I didn't realize it started quite so young but all journeys do have a beginning and watching her fumble towards the right path makes me proud of her for the wonderful job she's doing and the intense need to cry because she'll never be my small child again.
       I didn't remember how much change I went through in fifth grade until Bean came home yesterday completely upset and in a temper. That girl is tough, and a lot like Wolverine. The temper flares when pain is experienced. Tears are rarely seen, which is not like me at all. So she comes home quite mad at this girl at school.
      "We were having lunch together and talking just like every day since school started. Oh, she's such..." She breaks off, controlling her temper, especially since name calling isn't allowed in our household.
        "What happened?" I asked, quite concerned because she seemed so vulnerable and not like the sassy fifth grader I have been sending to school the last two weeks, all confident and sure of herself.
        "We were talking and then suddenly, just suddenly Mom. She asks me 'why do you sit with us?" She frowns and obviously this question has confused her for the abruptness of how it had been asked. "I said it was because I liked to." She takes a deep breath, her fists clenched, her face lined with anger but it's the hurt in her green gold eyes that has me wanting to take her in a big hug.
        "Then what happened?" I asked quietly.
         "She said I was annoying. That everything I said was annoying. That I was just annoying and I wasn't welcomed to sit with them anymore. And she was so rude about it. Just snotty and rude. I wanted to punch her."  Angry. Hurt. And totally confused how one second they could be getting along and then suddenly thrown into the lion's den.
         I asked her what happened then. Apparently the conversation had been interrupted before Bean had a chance to respond. The lunch room was put into quiet mode and under the threat of losing recess they dared not speak. But later at recess the girl was not nice to Bean either and I must have taught my daughter something because she responded firmly but didn't resort to name calling or rudeness. And I know she would have been angry and hurt.
        I went through the usual cliches of how some people just aren't nice, there might be reasons, such as a terrible home life, or they're having a bad day but we still didn't have to spend time with them and the best thing to do was avoid rude people like that. Don't let her be a bully but we don't have to allow them a chance to ruin our day. I reassured her that she had plenty of other friends, ones that weren't suddenly rude and hurtful and she shouldn't let this girl bother her.
       But I know it hurts. I remember fifth grade and the day my best friend from fourth grade stood up and told everyone it was her last day because her parents were getting a divorce and she was moving. I was shocked because she hadn't told me. The summer before she had decided to play with someone else and had told me we weren't best friends anymore. I had been horribly hurt and had hoped that once the school year started we would be friends again. Apparently not.
      So I knew Bean was hurting, it's hard to learn lessons on how to deal with people. How to deal with ourselves. So I did the only other thing I knew how to do to make it better. I gathered her into a huge bear hug and held her close for a minute, telling her that no matter what she was My Bean and would always have a family that loved her.
      I don't know how much it helped except she wasn't as angry but for the rest of the afternoon she pulled out my childhood collection of My Little Ponies and started playing with her sister and her nieces. And then she picked a few of her favorites and took them to the corner of the room and played by herself. Making them talk and play. The sounds of pretend were warmly familiar but just a bit solemn because I knew she was finding comfort with a tactical retreat back into childhood.
     And sometimes don't we all have to make tactical retreats from life and the world?