God's Grace

You can't hold onto a box of broken promises because no matter how many pieces you have in your hand, you can never glue them together.

   They never become whole.

And you can lie to yourself for a long time that it doesn't matter.

but it does.

It does matter.

And each broken promise is another feeling of resentment that grows and grows until it builds into a rage.

And rage is so destructive.

Until one afternoon, the only thing you can do is fall on your knees and ask for God to help.

Because something has to change.

I'm not holding onto a box of broken promises anymore.

Hold On

             I hold my breath.The events in the world surround me. Worry me. I can't ignore them. So if you come to my blog for funny, I'm a little short on it today. Perhaps sarcasm. Hopefully a little faith.
             But funny- I can't do. Not today.

             Holding my Baby Blueberry. She is cuddly and snugly and is a busy little person. She is nearly a year now. Almost a birthday.
            It's such a milestone. It marks that transition between tiny infant to active kid. To talking and walking and already having her own opinions.

            She doesn't like cherry pie and she doesn't like mangoes. She loves puppies and horses. And just like most Moms I can tell you a hundred more things about her.

            I'm pretty sure Moms all over the world are pretty similar. We rock our babies at night and sing them lullabies. We coo at them. We teach them to write their names.
           And we try to keep them safe.

             I've sometimes pondered if the Moms of the world could get together, without the interference of governments, religion, media, big corporations, and societies- if we couldn't make a better world for our children.
            
              While our governments beat wildly on the war drums -

              While media talking heads - mere puppets- try to convince the people that bombs bring peace-
             
              While big corporations add chemicals to our food and tell us it good for our children-

              While religion tell me that I'm not getting into heaven without paying a proper amount of money-

                While society tries to tell me what to think and who to hate-

               I pray.

               I cling to what I know, in my heart, to be true. Faith. Grace. Hope.

              Not hijacked, political hope.

              Real HOPE. Fueled by LOVE.

              Perhaps I'm just having an inner hippie moment.

              Or perhaps I'm just a Mom who loves her children.

Letters Drawn in the Sand

   ONCE upon a time I didn't understand music. I heard it. The sounds would fill my ears and the beat would run through my veins. Clumsy and more prone to tripping over my feet than walking in grace, I would still dance.

Dance because angels sing. Because heaven rejoices with music.

We teach our BABIES simple songs because they delight in it. Our voices can be rough and scratchy and they will find grace. And dance. And delight. And smile.

Hero Hottie taught me art. He taught me to LISTEN. To dissect the lyrics. He taught me to CHALLENGE the words that filled my ears and DECIPHER their meanings.

Because how can you say what you STAND FOR if you haven't LISTENED to the WORDS?

All words have MEANINGS. Some more than one. Some words are like double edged swords, the wound goes deep.

Some words come with a smile. With a dance. With GRACE.

With TRUTH.

And some words linger in your babies' hearts, darkening the edges, destroying their sense of grace. Silencing their dance.

Abu has had to deal with words of that nature this year. Words that made fun of her brand new baby sister, words that made her doubt her sense of style, words that made her doubt her importance in the world. I have spent months BUILDING back up her confidence.

Bean has had to deal with words that she shouldn't had shared, because sometimes words are to be kept like TREASURES.  Words shared between friends where they are supposed to be kept safe and secure and nourished. She will be more careful in the future when given such PRECIOUS items.
She has had also had to deal with words that made her feel not good enough...no matter what she did. These words have caused her to be angry and now I have to find the words to help her deal with that pain without allowing the ANGRY words to eat her soul.



Words can FEED the soul. Nourish the SPIRIT.  I have discovered that this year by developing some AWESOME friendships.

They have shown me how words between friends can BLOSSOM in the soul like a flower bed gone wild with blooms and butterflies and JOY.
Now I can't imagine a world without the WORDS from my friends. 


If only we had a filter over our ears, so that we only heard the good stuff.  So that we never bring into our adulthood ideas caused by constant HATEFUL words. How my heart cries for a small child who feels like they are a horrible person because they weren't fed NOURISHING words.


So if I PRAY often for the RIGHT words, it's because I know what the wrong word will do. And since I never know for sure if I'm saying the right word to my children, to my spouse, to my family, it's a familiar prayer.

I pray because I understand the power of a NOURISHING word...

JOY. FAITH. GRACE. HOPE. LOVE.

To all my readers: I hope you hear the nourishing words you need today to feed your soul. And I hope you find the same treasured words to pass on...with joy, hope, and grace.

And maybe a good song with the right kind of words to sing along to.

Faith

   And then God made dog, so that us silly humans, who can't learn on our own, would know the true meaning of being faithful. 
  
    I have tried to write this blog four times now and finally have found the words to write about one of my most favorite words.
  
   Faith.
 
     Faith is the power to believe even when given no proof. For some people this comes easy. Abu has faith. She feels it; in her heart and soul. For Bean she has to struggle with it. She wants it to come easily. But she has to fight it. She has questions and doubts and a very analytical mind.
   I don't think there is anything wrong with struggling with our faith. I struggle with mine. I wonder why horrible things happen. Why terrible, tragic things are allowed to happen. My faith comes with a lot of Whys?

    I spent this entire weekend wondering why. I don't understand. Because you can give me answers of why someone did what they did but I still don't understand why it was allowed to happened. But it is the same questions I have when I study history. Why are men like Genghis Khan, Hitler, Stalin, etc. allowed to slaughter? Why was the Black Plague allowed to wipe out millions? Why?

   Why are bad things allowed to happen? I don't have the answers.

  Where is divine intervention when we need it?
   

   I once had a dream where I was reading a page in some huge book. I'm not sure what book I was reading but the words were  "have strength and faith to carry forth." The words were so powerful to me I wrote them down and put them on my fridge. And when I struggle with my faith...when I'm not sure why things happen the way they happen...when I have doubts that the light is stronger than the dark...I read those words and allow them to comfort me.
   Have strength and faith...It is not because I'm strong that I have faith.

    It is because I have faith that I can have strength. To carry forth. Despite my doubts, despite my questions. Knowing that LOVE and GRACE and HOPE are so much bigger than darkness.

Because for all my struggles and questions and doubts...I do believe in something greater than me.
   Something more powerful than all the evil in the world.


   I don't have any answers for anyone. I can just share my experiences with life. But I do know that LOVE and PRAYERS and SPREADING KINDNESS are the ways to help heal hearts. Broken and torn and worn. The divine is all around us. But we have to do our part.
    So say a prayer for someone. Send someone a card to brighten their day. Avoid critical words and replace with words of encouragement and joy. And if silence is needed, just fill with a hug of support.
   And enjoy life. Be grateful for every minute you have with family and friends.

   As a friend of mine has been teaching me...you can't live in fear.
   You have to live in love.