Where Did the Queen Go? Subbing in the 2nd Grade

      Unless you already know the teacher, the uncertainty of subbing starts when you accept the job. Through the digital platform my school district uses, besides the day and time, I get to see the teacher's name, their subject and grade level, and their building. The rest is a mystery. It's similar to scheduling an interview for an article - you might have Googled them, but so much is a mystery until you're sitting across from them.
         On the sub software, the teachers have an option to add files or notes, but I have found most of them don't fill that field out. Occasionally, I will run into one that says, I have morning duty, please be here on time.
      I thought a sub had to arrive on time, and I think most of them do. Okay, perhaps that isn't correct. Half? I was late one day - the first time since I started this gig. Ten minutes late and I was about ready to trip over myself with my readied apologies that I had composed in my head all the way over to the school.
    "Sorry I'm late. My six-year old decided to be sick today. Today. I don't work everyday, why couldn't she had picked a day when I'm home doing college? So anyway, I really sorry that I'm arriving seven minutes before the bell rings," I composed in my head as I missed my turn to the school and had to go around the block. Twice.
      Can I get lost in my neighborhood? Perhaps.
      I hurry into the office and the secretary hands me the paper to sign in and only half the subs have signed in so far. A pattern I have started to notice at other jobs. I pause over my apology.
       And then the secretary says something about being a sub herself and I swallowed my readied apology. She doesn't seem concerned, probably because she is involved in the mystery that consists of subbing at the office. At this point, I'm not going to worry about being ten minutes late. She tries to explain where my classroom is and by that point - remember when I mention how often I can get myself turned around - well, it includes walking around these different school buildings too and I'm completely lost. But this could also be because by this time she has pointed down three different hallways trying to remember which way the second grade wing is. Finally, she stops trying to explain where the room is and grabs a passing teacher to take me towards the right area. The kindly teacher offers to take me to my classroom and uses a shortcut through the literacy rooms and the library. I don't even know which main hallway to use. It was a nice gesture, but unless you want me taking my entire second grade class through the literacy room, then please, please show me the main hallway next time. 
      I have only a few minutes to turn on lights, read the sub notes, figure out what programs I will need to have up on the computer and the Promethean board. A neighboring second grade teacher pops in and says if I need anything, then she is right down the hall. And I could tell she actually means this! Relief floods my voice when I tell her thank you. I have quickly found in the last three months that not all the teachers want to help the sub, and in fact I was in one school last week where I made a minor mistake with grabbing my students from recess and our classes sort of tangled in the hallway. No one was hurt, injured or otherwise maimed, but I had destroyed - albeit for thirty seconds - the routine of the hallway. The horror of it. After that she made it her mission to glare at me and ignore anything I said to her. Seriously, ignored everything I said to her. I even apologized, and nothing except a dark glare.
     The second graders pore in and say hi and then tell me everything I'm doing wrong with the sign- in system for hot lunch. I quickly get it fixed and we move onto morning meeting. Which has turned into one of my favorite parts - because I get a chance to chat with them before we move onto assignments.
     Between writing assignments, preventing the class clown from taking over, (although to be fair, he was funny) and messing up on explaining the math lesson, we managed to work amiably towards the end of the day. I had two students stay in for recess and lunch because she was recovering from a tonsil removal and couldn't be outside. Again, back to the mystery of the subbing. I didn't know I would be having lunch with students that day.
    And then we got to the guest speaker, our last assignment of the day. I thought, whew, Miss B is coming in and leading the class and I can take a breath. And that's when Miss B showed up, not a teacher like I assumed, but a eighteen year old senior in high school state beauty pageant winner. 
    She came in wearing a stylish sweater, her hair swept back into wavy locks, thin high heels on her feet that clicked against the classroom floor, a small, but shiny tiara on top of her head, and a sash across her chest with Miss HomeTown State. This was our guest speaker, doing a Veteran's Day project with a classroom full of second graders. Mmm, I was going to have to make sure they listened to a teenager. Oh, boy.
    And then I realized that all the second graders were staring at her, their eyes wide and they were listening to every soft spoken and perfectly articulated word she said. And when she said it was time to grab the construction paper and create cards for veterans - they eagerly got to work. She circled the room, visiting with each student. I was helping a student with his card when he gives me a panicked look. "Where did the queen go? Where did she go? I wanted to see her again."
    The queen?  Oh, my. Tiara. Sash.
    "Miss B? She's over there, helping your classmate."
    "Oh, good. I thought she left."
    His classmate across the desk looks at us. "She's a princess. I'm so glad she's here. We got to see a princess today."
   I look at Miss Hometown State and tried to see what the classroom of second graders are seeing and I can see it, with her poise and her grace and the way she softly and royally makes her way around the classroom. All those hours I know she has spent learning how to glide have paid off. I didn't know you could even glide in high heels?
   But I think it might really be the tiara too. It's shiny and pretty and Disneyish.

   Mmm, perhaps stickers aren't the key to subbing - wearing a tiara and sash is. And then I remember how I don't glide in high heels, my words are not always articulate, and I don't own a tiara.
    I decide to buy more stickers. They're cheaper than a tiara anyways.
   
    

Avoiding Stress or Otherwise Slaying Monsters

       Stress. Like a monster that nibbles your toes from underneath your bed. You can't quite see it but you know it's there because you end up as a bloody mess.
      Abu was upset with Bean the other week because older sister was spending the night away from home and Abu would be sleeping in their shared bedroom by herself.
       "Bean can't leave. Who will get rid of the monsters while I sleep?" She asks, while casting anxious glances towards the bedroom and all the imaginary monsters that lived there. They're relativity quiet during the day because I don't hear them while the girls are at school. But apparently they are quite furious during the night. I also didn't know that they could only be slayed by older sisters.
       "It will be fine. I'll take care of them before you go to sleep." I reassured her. We had to make sure the closet doors were shut, that the curtains were pulled tightly and that her favorite stuffed animal was firmly tucked under her arms.
       And then it still took a while for her drift off to sleep. The monsters didn't even nibble on her toes.
 
       I've been so busy this week trying to maintain sanity that I haven't even had a chance to write about stress, just experience it. Would that be an Alanis Morissette song? Or an annoying but catchy mix of David Bowie and Queen? It might just be too many Disney movie soundtracks or the Backyardigans. If you're missing my meaning, then think about the song that represents your own soundtrack right now. Is it a little wild or a bit sweet? Mine is fast, frantic and spiritual. Of course, I'm not sure if you can count Joan Osborne's song, 'One of Us', as spiritual, unless your Catholic. Which I'm not. But I do like to play it when I'm questioning the entire universe and pondering if God was a slob would it change anything. Mostly right now the soundtrack to my life is more like Lifehouse's song, 'Simon.'

      But I digress: Let's get back to stress. We all know what it is. It's like our childhood monsters that would inhabit the closets or under the bed or like Bean's, the bathtub drain. It's our troubles, our fears, the things we can't control.
      I know one of my major stresses this week is Abu's need for braces. Our dental insurance doesn't cover it and I found out how the orthodontist can have such a fancy, high tech, and amenity filled office. Really, I don't need access to high speed Internet, fresh coffee, game stations, and reward incentives for showing up on time for my appointments. The fact that she is going to end up with a beautiful smile and an easier time chewing is reward enough for me. I don't begrudge anyone the chance to make a good living but the price for all the work is quite astounding. Worth it for Abu but another stress because it involves juggling a tight budget, a slim savings account and rising food prices to pay for thousands and thousands of dollars worth of dental work.

      The other stress of my week was very personal and quite the attack on my integrity and values. I wish I could say more but because my blog is highly public I have to carefully weigh my words. I have never understood people that write about their bosses, family, or classmates in brutally frank and emotionally driven drivel, and then lose their jobs, their relationships or their friends but don't comprehend how that could possibly happen. I also don't like to talk 'smack' about people, even people I didn't even really know a week ago. Yes, a week ago this person hardly knew my name and now they have totally made it their current mission to make my life miserable. I understand that this life is hard and our insecurities can tie us up, but please don't try to drag me down with you. If I were 'mature' I would write a song like Gwen Stefani's song 'Hollaback Girl' and deal with my stress with that way. (Sarcasm. This is sarcasm because her lyrics remind me of fifth grade girls.)
    As I hope I'm older than that, I will respond with quiet professionalism and knowing that I can wear hero hottie's listening skills out with voicing my frustrations.

   In the meantime here are my quick, (because I have four kids about to have a mutually agreed upon group melt down) ten easy tips for slaying monsters or otherwise getting rid of stress. (Maybe not all stress because unless the tooth fairy brings me money, I will still worry until Abu's teeth are straight. But at least I can get rid of the little stresses.)

    1. Start a blog. Just don't say anything you'll regret or else your stress will be worse.
    2. Shut the closet doors. For kids they like this so they can't see the monsters. For adults, it works so you can't see the mess begging for your attention. Out of sight, out of mind.
    3. Laugh. Find a reason and do it. There are plenty of studies to back up my recommendations but this is a blog not a news article so I don't have to show my resources. :)
   4. Take a bath. But send the kids away first. Perhaps not too far away but just long enough to reclaim a bit of peace. Also, take a bath after the water heater fills back up. Do you know how much it stinks to fill a bathtub full of water and find out you didn't wait long enough for hot water?
   5. Turn off the television. Happiness can not...no matter what anyone tells you...be found in whiter teeth, eating yogurt and discussing your digestive tract, or in that mysterious five minutes that can save you tons of money. 
   6. Annoy hero hottie. Whoops, sorry only I get to do that one. And I'm only saying that because he's being ornery and trying to put metal clips in my hair. Don't ask. He's just ornery, what can I say.
   7. Listen to music. But not 'Everyday is Exactly the Same' by Nine Inch Nails. This song may not help, somehow being reminded that no matter how often I do dishes, I will still have more tomorrow, doesn't improve the mood. Try Pink's 'Get the Party Started' or depending on your mood, 'Black Hole Sun' by Soundgarden.
    8. Go to bed early. Really it's not a crime to go to bed early when you're an adult. Seriously. Burning the candles at both ends was just a conspiracy by the candle makers to sell more candles.
    9. Take the children, the spouse, the dog, perhaps even the cat...to the park. The trees, the swings, the lack of walls and chores, can be so uplifting. Nature is good for you. Maybe not in the winter, but on the whole we're supposed to spend some time outside.
    10. Do something easy on your 'To Do' list, just so you can scratch it off. Sometimes I put stupid things on my list just so I can mark them off. It can be so satisfying.

     Ahh, now I can relax. I have finished my blog about stress and I can cross it off my list. Lets not analyze that too closely. I think there might be something wrong with being stressed out about completing a blog on the topic of easing stress...Naw, it's the American way.
      Next on the list...finishing my brownie and listening to 'Adding to the Noise' by Switchfoot.