Well, I was going to share my resolutions for this year, which happens to be the year of Doomsday but those damn zombies ate them.
I'll try to remember them. Let's see.... It's 2012. Should I even bother with resolutions? After all, the Mayans have said we're all going to die. Doesn't seem to be much point in making a list that I'll fail to keep after three weeks anyway?
Did I say three weeks? Mmmm, that's hopeful. I think my track record for resolutions made in the gloomiest month of year happens to be as accurate as Harold Camping's predictions of the end of the world. You know he's just trying to steal the Mayan's thunder. :)
But boy, it's 2012 and the Internet is buzzing with more ways to die in the end of the world than any Hollywood script writer could imagine. Perhaps they should borrow some ideas from some of these sites, because no offense to John Cusack; but I'm not depending on him to save me during the end of the world.
First of all...his only claim to fame is just simply being in the right place at the right time. He knows to flee, in a borrowed limo (give me an awesome pick up truck from the zombie movies), then the step-dad happens to be a pilot and his employer happens to have tickets and so on and so forth. Everyone around him dies horribly but he's just that lucky.
Like I'm that lucky? Nope, I'll be sucked down into the bowels of the Earth.
And then my second point; if you're the step-Dad you're going to die. Because John has to get back together with the ex-wife in this strange new world where only the ultra rich have survived.
That's seems about right.
I had a discussion about this. If you had to choose between John Cusack or Bruce Willis to save you from the end of the world, who would you pick? I think I'm going to post that on my Facebook page and see who wins.
My vote: Bruce Willis featuring Aerosmith -because you need a good rock song to accompany the end of the world.
Heck, I would pick Frodo over John Cusack. :)
Boy, all this talk of 2012 is starting to scare me. Ohh, I'm scared now.
No, not really. Because if I made it through Y2K than I think I can make it through the end of the Mayan's calendar. Did anyone wonder if they didn't just run out of stone to carve on?
Or better yet...
"Hey, boss. Do you know what would be funny?" The bored, underfed stone carver asks.
"Joe, get back to work, no one's asking you to be funny." The supervisor snarls.
So Joe, not being especially bright, plots revenge. He's going to carve the end of the world into the calendar. Ha, that will show the boss. Wait until he gets scared and trembling because the end of the world is going to happen.
Funny joke Joe. But now at least people are showing interest in other cultures, like the Mayans.
In the meantime, I should at least make a New Year resolution to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse. Never thought P90X would come in handy to get in shape so I can run away from the zombies. Thank you Tony Horton, do you know how many people you're helping reach their 'Escape the Zombies' resolutions.
I need to purchase a pair of Velcro tennis shoes. Forget the laces, do I want to be tipping on untied shoelaces while the hoard of brain eating zombies are chasing me? Not a chance.
Throw a bag together of some shotguns and chainsaws and I should be ready. There, now that's a New Year Resolution I can keep...preparing for the zombies.
And I'll start practicing on my weekly shopping trips to Wal-Mart...Where I happened to see a zombie the other day, seriously. She was dressed in old, dirty sweatpants and a big, grimy t-shirt. Her greasy, thin hair was matted down on the back of her skull and she walked in that laborious fashion of the zombie while nonsense words grunted from her lips. She wasn't mentally handicapped, otherwise I wouldn't be joking about it, she was just that uninterested in being human. Her cart was loaded with the worse processed food you can find and I have to start wondering if junk food isn't just food made specially for zombies.
Wal-Mart; the birthplace of the zombie apocalypse...I'm sure of it.
But joking aside, I hope if anyone purchased a yearly calendar that they asked for a discount since the end of the world is on December 21st. I wouldn't want to pay for an extra week. That also means I should plan on celebrating Christmas early. I would hate to get the tree up, the stockings hung and all the presents wrapped and not have time to enjoy a few pieces of pie before either we're hit by a huge asteroid, or the Earth does a shift on its axis thingy, or Wal-Mart is out of brains.
Hey, I know what my New Year Resolution should be...getting Bruce Willis' number on speed dial. Just in case it's death by asteroid.
That's sounds like a new board game. 'Clue- the 2012 edition'
Is it death by asteroid, zombie apocalypse, mutant virus, or city falling into the Earth?
Or even worse, death by overdose on Facebook?
As long as the zombies don't come after me I'm wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!!
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