Dedicated to a great dog...
I had plans to post on Monday, even had the idea ready to go and then that inevitable change I've talked about before decided to make itself very known and hero hottie and I had to make a difficult decision about our Buddy dog.
We knew it was coming, he was dying of cancer, and every extra day we had with him was a gift that we didn't take for granted. But there's no way to prepare yourself emotionally for the hard decisions. I can't go down to the store and buy a shield of iron for my heart and neither would I choose to.
He was my best canine friend in the whole universe and his presence around the house has been sorely missed. And its the little things too, the daily interactions that weren't significant, that weren't exciting, that weren't celebrations, but they were the foundations on which our life with him was built. Saving scraps of chicken from dinner, letting him outside one last time for the night, his tail purposely hitting the mattress in the middle of my sleep to wake me when he couldn't wait until morning. It was the grin on his face, because yes, dogs do smile, when we were goofing off with him. Hero hottie would often times play a game of tag and chase with him and it was something they both enjoyed.
The house is empty without him. I feel tears off and on during the day and for anyone that hasn't been given the gift of a canine or feline best friend they probably think I'm crazy to be so upset about his passing. For readers that have shared in the joy of having a furry friend then they know exactly what I'm talking about. From their first purr or bark they wrap your heart around their little paws and when they die they break it. And then its especially sad because they love you so much they don't want to break your heart. Buddy kept looking at me with his big brown eyes, sad and crying but with a look of 'it's okay, Mom. Don't be sad.' He hated to see me sad. When I was upset he would come over and lay his head on my leg until it was all okay. I'll tell you I could use my canine friend right now, because my heart is sore and his unconditional love would fix it all.
I hate movies where the dogs die at the end. Old Yeller, Where the Red Fern Grows, Marley and Me...Why remind people how much it hurts when your dog dies? I don't need to think about it yet here I am writing about it, doing the same thing. I think we write about them because we don't want to forget them. Because we want other people to know how sweet and wonderful our furry friends were.
And telling stories help heal the hurt. There's laughter and joy to be found when we tell stories of them. And they live on, in a way. I never really realized why my Grandmother still talked about her childhood dog with such intensity and love. Now I know. Time is relative and doesn't heal but sharing our love and memories does.
On the day we had to help him over to the other side, my child, who doesn't remember a time without him, came home with two drawings. One was of Buddy, with a smile and a curly tail and unfortunately the tumor on his leg that took him away from us. And the other drawing was an unusual picture of a geometric shape in the middle, covered with a bright yellow star that had a door drawn in the middle of it. The star was exploding with light, tons of inviting light that seem to stretch into the forever. I was instantly comforted by it and knew that this unusual picture was perhaps a glimpse into the beyond that we rarely have a view of from down here on planet Earth. It was Buddy's light and I knew he would be okay.
Adopting Buddy was one of the best decisions hero hottie and I ever made. It was one of those decisions that we never doubted. He was a part of the family and everyone around here will greatly miss him. And even with the pain that fogs my brain and fills my heart, I would never change that bright, sunny Saturday when we followed an impulse and took home a charming, golden colored mutt that would teach us lessons of love and lost by simply being a great 'Buddy.'
So this entry is for you Bud, a great dog who loved everyone he met and handed out happiness with every wag of his tail and lick of his tongue.
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