The week where you look in the mirror and you can't find a single thing about your features that you like.
The week where you know you can't avoid a situation any longer but you know there is not a single freaking thing you can say which will change the outcome of it.
The week where you need to give just the right kind of parental advice because it's just that important but you, yourself, don't even know how the hell to handle people so how can you give advice on it.
The week where everything you had planned to accomplish has been left on the to do list because you're so busy putting out fires that you don't have time to do anything else.
And hell, it's only Tuesday!
Whew, that is finally off my chest. Am I venting? Yes, dear. And I have to apologize because you come here to my blog...well, heck I don't even know why people come here. I think it's for my witty and charming advice on what not to do in life. Why can't they have a show about that?
"What Not to Do in Life!"
When at the zoo, do you put your hand in the alligator cage or not?
Mmm, lets bring in our experts.
Expert 1: "Well, first of all, why are wearing that skirt to the zoo? Really, do you know how ugly it is? That alligator should just be allowed to eat all of you and put us all out of misery for having to see such a fashion atrocious."
Expert 2: "What year was she born in? Daring the alligator is so in your twenties stupid."
Yes, these shows where experts are allowed to bully others just teaches everyone else that if they want to be cool, they should just annihilate people emotionally. Forget nurturing and caring. This is Sparta and if you don't agree.
We kill you.
I'm tired of bullies. I'm tired of dealing with school systems that don't stop situations until they become a mine field of broken psyches and bruised hearts.
But with that being said. I have to applaud my elementary school. Last year, as you can recall, we had issues with bullies. This year, things have changed a bit. Abu was in school, and another student teased her about Baby Blueberry's hands. How hurt does someone have to be on the inside that they would taunt a newborn?
Has our society fallen so much?
Anyway, the teacher was informed, who promptly turned it over to the principal and he pulled the student from the class and reprimanded him for his actions.
Will it change the child?
Will it make him more conscious of others' needs and wants and feelings?
I don't know.
How do you get to the age of nine and you're bullying newborns to fill that empty inside you?
People are a complicated bunch. Complex. Driven by pain and grief and joy and experiences.
Bean is having trouble at school. Some of it she's at fault for. Social skills are not her best...yet.
But to give her credit, for as hard as it's been for her this year as she moves closer to being a young woman and less a child, she tried to make it right.
She told another girl's secret and of course, the girl was hurt. Bean tried to apologize, genuinely and repeatedly but the other girl was too hurt. So Bean stopped talking to the other girl, because at that point I felt like it was better if she just left the other girl alone. But the other girl didn't want to drop it. So in her pain, she is harassing Bean to show her anger.
A school system, heck a society, that was centered on the four things a soul needs to grow; physical, spiritual, education, and social; would have been able to step in and assist the girls in dealing with their hurts and their actions and help them grow from the experience.
Instead, middle school is hell. It's about survival. It's about sending our children there and hope they come out without too many wounds.
Yet, that's how the world is. You go out into the world, most people with the best intentions, and you return; hurt and scarred and wounded. Some people hide away from the world, others focus on things that won't hurt if they fail, others turn to substance abuse to cover up their insecurities, and others become bullies because they figure it's better to hurt first than be hurt.
I was listening to a TEDtalk on Youtube, given by this kid. A kid around Bean's age. Who said when asked what he wanted to do with his life, gave the answer...happy. He wanted to be happy. So I stopped asking my kids what they want to be when they grow up.
A career will happen. I value knowledge too much not to pass that love of learning on to my kids. And I want to help them find something that they will be able to support themselves in a changing and broken economy.
And maybe the questions shouldn't be what do you want to be? Who do you want to be?
I want my kids to be happy.
I want them to be strong.
I want them to nurture and love the people in their life.
I want them to find spouses who love them and support them and challenge them. Who encourage them and help them to continue to grow.
I want them to have families. To make a family structure for themselves, their spouses, and their children that encourage growth and a path of faith. That is based in LOVE.
I want them to make the world a better place but also realize they can be themselves. Flaws, and faults and quirks and all.
I want them to find their spiritual path. Their faith.
I want them to give and be generous. To do the right thing.
I want to know them, as adults. To have a relationship with them.
I want them to realize that learning never, ever, stops. That 12th grade isn't the end of learning...in fact, it's just the beginning.
I want them to be themselves. I want them to find the strength to fill any empty they ever feel with love and not anger, or hate, or fear.
I want them to know they are stronger than their insecurities.
That God is stronger than their fears.
That love is always more powerful than hate.
The kind of week, where I don't have the words I need to give the advice I need to give Bean, so I pray and pray and pray that my words will be the correct ones.
And as for everything else in this week; I have to realize it will be what it will be and accept it.
In the meanwhile; special family outings, weekly visits with friends, a baby who is calling me Momma, and an Abu who is starting to be more like her happy self again, are all wonderful things to celebrate. So I really can't complain and the hateful part of the world can just deal with that.
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