McDegrees...Can I Supersize It?

       If I was living in the UK I suppose I can make my Mum proud and earn a degree...from McDonald's. Yes, I'm seriously talking about that fast food joint that sells a ton of food to children because it comes with a toy. When I was a child I didn't want a Happy Meal because of the burger, it was the toy. Why couldn't all meals come with a toy?
       'Mom, I'll eat my mixed veggies if I can get a toy.'
       Yeah, that never worked and that's why mixed veggies (a horrible combo of peas, carrots, lima beans and corn) always ended up in weird and unusual places. Such as below the rim of my plate, in napkins and in the bottom of milk glasses. If the dog managed to hide under the kitchen table, he was rewarded for his cleverness with mixed veggies, not the chicken he was hoping. (Grin)
      I'm not a big fan of McDonald's. My children have food allergies and can not consume most of their products and after a while of cooking food from scratch because of the aforementioned food allergies, McDonald's food just doesn't taste that great.
     But the toys can still be pretty tempting, especially for adults...I mean children.

     Toys and food aside, who actually wants a business degree from McDonald's? Are there teenagers working at the drive thru and deciding to working at McDonald's forever? Do they want and dream about  obtaining a degree that I would doubt is transferable into other college programs? If I'm wrong, then someone correct me but colleges are ridiculously picky about accepting credits from other schools, do you think a private university is going to look at a business degree from McDonald's and put them right into the fast track of obtaining their MBA. Of course, with how horrible Europe's and America's financial situations are right now, perhaps those MBA's in charge of our countries and large companies do have degrees from McDonald's. On the other hand, as far as I understand from a financial point of view, McDonald's isn't doing too bad, so perhaps the MBA's should have obtained their business degrees from the fast food giant, rather than from books and professors teaching them that to pay your debt you just borrow more money. Mmmm, I tried that once, it didn't work out well.
       Still, I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of my child growing up and deciding that she wants to work at McDonald's forever.
       I can hear the commercials now to convince parents of this opportunity. It would be like the armed forces commercials. (Disclaimer, I'm not making fun of the Armed Forces and our troops, just silly commercials.)

      'Mom, I thought long and hard about this and I really need you to understand.' Daughter says, while we're in the kitchen together. The music builds up, I have a look of doubt and worry on my face.
      'I want you to do what makes you happy Daughter, but are you sure this is what you want to do. This is a big decision and then I have to convince your Father.' I wring my hands together.
      "I want to be part of something bigger than me. I want to be part of something I can be proud of. I want you to be proud of me.' She is earnest, full of sincerity and obviously not a real teenager since she's not crying, yelling or slamming doors.
      I take a deep breath. 'I know. But are you sure you want to join...McDonald's?'
     Then the narrator comes on, convincing all parents that a degree from McDonald's in the best thing for their children and besides it comes with a Happy Meal.


       I had siblings that worked fast food, they left as soon as possible. The smell of stale fry oil that clings to everything; your clothes, your shoes, in your car; is not pleasant. The long hours, the cranky customers, the lazy workers, was never a career goal for them. So I supposed to believe that people are eager to obtain a business degree from a fast food company? Perhaps I'm wrong, a career at McDonald's might be a great opportunity in this poor economy and that's probably why the idea of a McDegree is bothering me. I could never see my free spirited children slaving away as a manager in a company that tries to convince everyone that it's a great and wonderful thing because they handed you a degree to do it.
      Call me hopeful, but as a mother I only want big and bright things for my children and working fast food, with or without a degree, isn't something that they will find happiness in.
      Even if it comes with a toy.

Mama Tried to Warn Me Not to Date a Zombie...

     Ahh, what can I say about dating a zombie? They aren't hot like a werewolf and they aren't mysterious and moody like a vampire. They actually remind me of the boyfriend who plays video games all the time, doesn't talk about anything (and complains that you do), and zones out when asked, 'do you want to do something romantic?' But hey, everyone has their ideal and maybe a zombie is for you...just know I tried to warn you.


1. When they take you out to eat, it's always to the same crappy place. They're not concerned about what you want to do or eat, they just want to eat the same thing...brains. They don't want to try anything new or unusual, like a salad with roasted sunflowers and avocado. No, they want brains and the bloodier the better. Wait a minute, are we still discussing zombies or guys with grills and any sort of meat available?

2. They're always going out with their friends, until late in the evening, after you've already done the dishes and walked the dog. For some reason, terrorizing the neighbors and eating their brains is more exciting than doing couple stuff.

3. Depending on the type of zombie they are, your boyfriend might lose body parts at inconvenient times, such as over at your parent's house or grocery shopping. This is gross and quite embarrassing. Can you imagine being on the subway, full of people? "Excuse me, I'm not trying to steal your seat, I just need to find my boyfriend's arm or leg, or nose." All of this while your boyfriend stands around doing nothing, except eyeing the beautiful blonde across the aisle.
     "Are you checking out that blonde?"  You accuse angrily.
     "No, I like women for their brains." Zombie boyfriend says. Yeah, sure.

4. There is 'feet smell', and there is 'running laps sweaty smell', but there's nothing like the body odor of the undead. Plan on purchasing lots and lots of cologne for your zombie boyfriend. They tend to be quite wretched in their odor as body parts decompose. I would say that no one could put up with this smell but I've met some interesting people in my life, such as a lady who would collect road kill and store it in her freezer until she could boil the flesh from the bones. So I'm sure there are people out there in this strange world who wouldn't mind the constant odor of zombie flesh.

5. You remember that time when you would tried to discuss important things with your ex boyfriend while he was trying to watch the 'GAME'. And remember how that ended well... Having a zombie for a boyfriend is like that except all the time. They can't focus, they can't carry conversations and they're happy if you put them in front of a video game and let them play for days at a time.

6. With the Zombie Apocalypse a possibility, at least according to both the CDC and even the city of Bristol  in the UK,  having a boyfriend that is on a wanted list might be a horrible ending to your love story. How heartbreaking would it be to watch the love of your life be attacked by trained city officials as they try to "Fully disconnect the brain-stem from the body through either blunt force or full head removal." (This is contained in Bristol's city contingency plans for zombie attacks.) And forget all the zombie killing techniques we have learned from watching Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead. Your relationship is truly doomed and this is even before you take him home to meet Daddy.

7. He might try to eat your brains one day. This is a definite sign that there is something wrong in your relationship and you should probably break up before your story ends up on one of those crimes shows about deadly relationships.

     So I tried to come up with ten possible hazards of dating a zombie but after seven I have come to the conclusion that perhaps zombies don't make the best boyfriend material. If you're not worrying about the smell of the undead and lack of conversations, then you have to worry about him eating brains or being killed by mobs of townspeople. Oh, I know dating is frustrating and complicated but I think you have to be desperate to date a zombie....On the other hand I see reality television shows in the making like...
     My Zombie Boyfriend or The Zombie Bachelor or Zombie's Got Talent

This is not secret Zombie Apocalypse code, so townspeople of Bristol do not panic. This is for

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